Guardian
Some of the biggest mysteries of the world are the little things: why do only people who look up tend to get pooed on by birds? Why do the hinges on pedal bins rarely last longer than one month? But one of the most pressing questions concerns babies, of course. And that question is: why do their heads look so big in relation to their bodies?
I was pondering this moments before the door opened, my hands full of baby girls clothing for the baby as a peace offering. I was standing outside my friends apartment, scaring myself sill thinking about having to see their new baby–
I do not have baby fear, generally; but I think that in this situation, most men would have reacted the same way. I was going to be in charge of this new born’s life, you see. Me, with my total lack of experience and debilitating fear of baby food (Ugh–)
The door opened and I was beckoned in. Already the smells of the newly delivered were air-borne. That was when I heard the baby cry out and this seemed to mean “I sense your fear! Ha! Wait until they’re out! I’m going to destroy you!”
As my friends left for their romantic dinner, I quivered and considered if there was some internet service where you could dial an emergency babysitter. Unfortunately they didn’t have internet and time was pressing on. The longer I stood here, the worse it would eventually be when I introduced myself.
My fears were unfounded, of course. Yes, the baby’s head was far too big for its body, but everything else was alright. We became fast friends. Before long the baby (Suzie) didn’t want to see her parents ever again!
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